Way Things Were

Soft pillows that hold the smell of old memories. Trying to remember those days As these words echo loud. Ocean view turns With silent lips, A lovers grip, Your to far away. Wheels turning on unpaved roads Closed eyes with opend hearts Sweet summer winds die down and drift apart. I go by that curb everyday. Today I plunged off of it, not the same. I feel summer memories calling me. I see old friends only from the back now. I am looking forward to my photography project. It hits close to home. Tyler, If you read this I am using that song Illustrations of Melbourne. Anyways Im really looking forward to it. All the pictures go along with the music and well if you have heard the song then you know the rest.I wish I could be happy again....I forget how that feels

Bottled up Feelings

Feeling a lil disconnected from the world.I feel like crap and the week isnt over yet. Time is moving slow and I am starting to feel run down.I miss my old life. I am sorry. I am so so sorry to everyone I have hurt. The last time I listened to this song I was in Hawaii. I remember that because we were driving and I was watching the waves crash along the shore. The sun was setting and I was thinking about him.That seems so long ago. That was when I had my old life. No that was when I began to lose my old life. I cry now on the inside. I feel as if I have had to start living all over again. So disconnected. I see the people that I once knew, I see them everyday. Its harder though with the people that I dont get to see anymore. Its hard to reconnect. This is just my sarrow And this is my sorry

6 AM Wake Up Call...

I hate the fact that it is late. I feel as if my day has slipped out of my reach. Please take me away. Away from my harmful mind. Show me that there is another way to feel. Today was just another day. I saw all my "friends" that have slipped away. It hurts me so to know that I cant take control of anything. I cant force my feelings upon others. Its something I have just learned. Its scary to know that I cant change things that are happening in my life.... I couldnt figure out why my legs were hurting. Then I remembered that kelly and I went to the Phoenix on sat. TO MUCH MOSHING. Kelly remind me next time to streach first! ;) Even though I hate life right now, I love knowing that it could change at anymoment. Please take me away. Away from my harmful mind. Show me that there is another way to feel. Tomorrow will just be another 6 AM wake up call....

This is Life

Scream out loud. No one will hear. A voice trapt within these walls you have built. So strong so no one can get in. Play to pretend. Live life in a dream. Is that living or are you just alive? Shrink me. I can use the help. Lift this weight off these tired shoulders. Tell me again. Tell me you miss me. I have only these memories. I just need to know that someone cares. Who ever you are, where ever you are will you step forward soon? Mend my heart. I dropped it, letting shattered pieces fall. Call me more than once, letting me think you care to feel. I only wish I was there with you. I want us. It could never be. The game would end. I wouldnt find it fun. Sick, twisted. Write to me. Why now? You are happy. I hate knowing that she can feel your love. Do you know that she stopped caring? I never did. So why her? I understand. Mix my cuts with salt and feel the burn. Touch the hot wax turn cold. Lonely when with company.12/14/03

Bitter

I want a body to curve to mine. Bend to fit me. I pick this path thats cracked because its familiar. This lithium coated path is to new. I am scared to fix myself with sugar coated pills. Then what would I have to think about. Use my brain as a hideaway. Where is the person that cares? I just want someone out of this sick world to hold me close, to show me that I am worth the time. Don't push me away. I break easily. Why do I let myself get used. Im just looking for the person who wants to let me stay close while they let time drift away. Ash scorn heart. Touch my wound and tell me its beautiful. Im scared to get better alone. Thats what I am right now, alone from even the closest of people. Feel the flame and lick the salted tears. Hide the crude smile behind sunny days. Make me beautiful with painted words. Pick the scabs and let the blood run cold. Ash your kisses. Hide away in the perfect X.12/22/03